She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
