First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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