I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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