My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
