he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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