I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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