i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
The best revenge is premature balding
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The beer is more important than you right now.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
