I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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