I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
