Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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