Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
