Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
