just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
