there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
