So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
