You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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