I hate your face
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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