He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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