Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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