Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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