at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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