I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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