I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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