having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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