Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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