Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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