Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
