I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I think i got beer on your cat.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
