She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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