I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
