WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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