You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
