Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
