That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize