dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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