Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
We had to coat check the pizza.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
