we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
