worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
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I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
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How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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