She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
