I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
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