God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
