Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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