Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
