she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
