I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
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You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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