her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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