You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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