We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
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Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
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i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Of course I have a pirate flag
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
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