im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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