I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
