I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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