Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
