Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
