Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
