I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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