Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
