Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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