Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
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