fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
