My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
