i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
