I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
