No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
