I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
