His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
