we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
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Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
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okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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