You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
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I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
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He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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