I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
