I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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